How To Never Be Happy
Hint - You're Doing It
I was happy. So happy. I felt almost guilty for how good I felt. I was working more than ever but I was so full of life.
I avoided all the things that gave me temporary joy - drinking, partying, binge watching TV and more. And I replaced them with lots of sleep, staying far ahead of deadlines, and exercise.
I kept waiting for the crash. For the burnout people talk about. But it never came. I was happy. Not momentarily. Not “because” of anything. I was just… happy. And here’s some things I learned.
Our Words Are Like Knives
Be thoughtful with the words you use. Especially the words you use to describe yourself and your situation. Those words have an undetected but significant impact on your emotional state, your beliefs and your outcomes.
When you ask people what they want in life, the most popular answer is happiness. People say “I want to be happy”. Most people don’t realize that’s exactly what’s holding them back from being happy.
If I say I want something, it implies I do not yet have it. Most people don’t say they want things they already have. Imagine I say,
“I want new shoes”
“I want a coffee”
“I want a friend”
You would automatically assume I don’t already have new shoes, a coffee or a friend. When I say I want things, it’s implied that I don’t have them. I create a disconnect between myself and my desires.
Wanting To Be Happy Is Stupid
If we apply that same logic to people saying “I want to be happy”, they create a disconnect between themselves and happiness.
Marcus spoke about this phenomenon when he said,
“It’s the pursuit of these things, and your attempts to avoid them, that leave you in such turmoil. And yet they aren’t seeking you out; you are the one seeking them.” (11.11)
He says it's exactly the things we pursue and avoid that make us unhappy. And while *desire for anything can make us unhappy, we hurt ourselves most by desiring things we can’t get.
The problem is, you can get new shoes, a coffee or a friend, but you can’t “get” happiness. The desire for happiness exposes a key misunderstanding people have regarding happiness. Those moments on a beach with a beer surrounded by friends are JOY. It’s a state that comes and goes.
What is Happiness
Happiness on the other hand, is not a state of being, it's a choice you make. Or perhaps happiness is a skill you practice and develop.
The exact meaning of happiness is very personal. If I say what happiness means to me, it will sound reasonable to some but foreign to many.
Also keep in mind happiness is a spectrum, not a binary. The question isn’t are you happy or not happy, it’s HOW happy are you.
Right now, you have the option to embrace happiness. Remember a time when laughter lightened a difficult day. This proves that sadness isn't inescapable; you can break its hold. If sadness is escapable, then happiness is always available.
You just need to choose.
Choose to stop chasing happiness and instead choose to just be happy. Whatever that means to you. You’ll be surprised by the difference it makes. Believe you can choose. And then do it.
Recap - What is Happiness
Saying “I want it” makes it obvious you don’t have it.
Happiness is a choice. Or maybe a skill.
Choosing happiness is low risk, high reward
Brains Gains
Do you believe happiness is a choice?
Choose happiness today. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Your Biggest Fan,
Noah “BigNerd” Sochaczevski
IMPORTANT: The BigNerd Book Club Live Meeting 1 is set for December 3rd 1:00PM
*Navalism I love: desire is a contract you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want