I Broke The Rules

here's my confession

The single most reliable way to be calm is to not do wrong. Each time you wrong somebody, it gets harder to feel at peace.

A guilty person sometimes has the luck to escape detection, but never to feel sure of it. (Seneca’s Letters To Lucilius, CVI)

I remember when I was at boarding school, just before graduation, I had a friend in my dorm bring gatorades with alcohol in them. A big NO-NO. I had never drank on campus before. I was too scared of facing my mom if I got caught.

That night, there was enough social pressure, and classes were over, so I had some of the spiked gatorade. I had just a few sips before I had to stop. A teacher I respect deeply had been walking around and he congratulated me on finishing classes. He was obviously not suspicious of me at all. He trusted me.

I was the opposite of relaxed. The opposite of “enjoying graduation”. The opposite of “peace of mind".

Nobody got caught. Not even close. But still, it dampened my final days. I betrayed the trust of someone I respect. It was a time for celebration but in the back of my mind, I was so nervous I would get caught and he would know. Even worse, that he wouldn’t find out and I would have to hide something from him.

I was never sure I got away with it (sorry

Amy Makechnie

for this admission, please forgive me!) but I still think about it once in a while, 5 years later.

Even though I was lucky, I wasn’t at peace. I learned then, and again now, that before I do wrong, I won’t ask whether I can get away with it or not.

I’ll ask whether or not I can be at peace getting away with it.

Question of The Day

When was the last time you wronged someone? How did it make you feel in the moments and days afterwards?

Your Friend,

Noah “BigNerd” Sochaczevski