Is Your Life Getting Worse?
Or is your reference better?
I was staring blankly at my phone as my mom put her arm around me. I had no emotion left to show. The news hit me so hard I wasn’t even in pain, I was in shock.
The Build-Up
I had spent the past four months in an intensive bootcamp for Consulting interview prep. I spent every dollar I made that summer on the bootcamp. Every hour I wasn’t working, I was practicing. I practiced my hard skills, my soft skills and understood the hiring process as if I had designed it myself.
Then the emails started coming in one after the other. The 5-word corporate way of saying “f*** off”...
“We regret to inform you…”
I kept my head high and prepared harder with each rejection. I knew my opportunities were getting slimmer so when it was time to interview I had to be ready. I was even practicing over zoom with people in Europe so I could do 6am mock interviews before classes. I wanted it really badly. I refused to process the pain of each rejection. I had to keep my head up and keep working.
The Final Blow
I was sitting in my basement when I opened the final email. After this, there were no more companies to apply to.
“We regret to inform you…” I couldn’t keep reading.
I immediately thought, “it was all for nothing. What a waste of time.”
I spent hundreds of hours practicing for a day that never came. The most emotion I let myself show was putting my head in my hands. I couldn’t believe it. How terrible…
“A rock thrown in the air. It loses nothing by coming down, gained nothing by going up.” (9.17)
A New Perspective
Fast forward to today, my life is no better or worse for it. In fact, it might even be better. I know people who got the jobs I wanted only to have their offers taken away the day before they started. If that happened to me, I would have been deported against my will! At least I got to come back to Canada with my pride intact.
I was a rock on its way up in the months I was preparing. I was reaching for a higher place and I was proud of myself for working so hard. Then, I was on my way back down as I got rejection emails week after week.
Is my life actually any different? I went up and then I came back down. I’m in the same place.
Redefining Success & Failure
The real illusion is that I was never up or down. I made it up in my head. We all do. We decide for ourselves what it means to be the rock on its way up and what it means to be coming down.
If you don’t believe me, try this thought experiment. Imagine you get a job and you climb the ranks of the company only to get fired. Explain your sadness to your dog. Explain it to your ancestors living on a farm. Explain it to a rice farmer in rural China.
What do you say to make them understand your feelings?
It’s difficult to explain. Because you gave meaning to the rise and fall.
Actions themselves have little meaning. Remind yourself when you’re on your way up and again on your way down, that little has changed. Life carries on either way.
Embracing All of Life
Find peace with this idea.
There is no good and bad.
No up or down.
Life is just life.
There only is or there isn’t.
Brains Gains
Do you believe in good and bad? Why?
Go enjoy the day. Not too high and not too low. Accept graciously whatever happens.
Your friend,
Noah “BigNerd” Sochaczevski
PS. We’re 7 days from finishing the book! You’re amazing. When was the last time you finished a book you read for fun? I’m proud of you.
PPS. Today Reading: Pages 121-128