My ‘Troubled’ Past
Not many people know this about me, but I used to go to anger management classes. I was an angry boy! I was in second grade, and there was a bully at school named Patrick.
He picked on me because he knew he could get me to yell or to cry. It made him feel powerful. Yes, super embarrassing for me but…
I did learn a lesson I’ve kept with me to this day.
Patrick wasn’t unique to my class and he wasn’t unique to my age. Patricks are everywhere. Marcus has a great line saying,
“...to expect a bad person not to harm others is like expecting fig trees not to secrete juice, babies not to cry, horses not to neigh–the inevitable not to happen.
What else could they do–with that sort of character?
If you’re still angry, then get to work on that. “ (12.16)
I often repeat this passage to myself. Meeting bad people is one of life’s guarantees. Without complete isolation (bad for other reasons), it’s unavoidable.
The goal then isn’t to avoid bad people (although that’s not a terrible guiding principle), it’s to deal with them in a way that does not affect your own goodness.
Preparing for the Inevitable
I have a specific method I follow when I deal with a bad person. I remind myself of three things:
Mathematically speaking, half the population is worse than average
Then did I expect to never meet half the population?
They have to live with themselves, I can leave whenever
These first two take inspiration from Marcus. It’s a way to remind myself that their behavior is inevitable. The third puts me in a state of empathy. Am I jealous that they walk around all day being dishonest or disloyal? No. I feel sorry for a bad man. It’s hard to be angry at a man you pity.
When I look back on Patrick, I remember the fury I felt as a child. For years, I would get brought back to the rage I felt when I heard his name. Now, I feel nothing but sorry for him.
I feel sorry for how his life has turned out today. I also feel sorry for how his life was as a child.
If you would not want to be bad yourself, then how could you feel anything but sorry for a bad man? They act dishonestly because they’re plagued by a curse of insecurity and envy.
These reminders are how I handle the bad people I encounter in my life. If it makes sense to you, try it. If not, find your own way. Just find a reliable system for yourself.
The bad people are inevitable. Your anger is not.
Brains Gains
How do you deal with the bad people you encounter in life?
Your Biggest Fan,
Noah Sochaczevski
Note. We will start CLEAR THINKING by Shane Parrish on December 1st (end of next week). Get the book here now to make sure you can start on time
PS. If you’ve been enjoying the BigNerds Book Club, please consider sharing with a friend as we prepare to start our new book Friday next week.
This was super insightful. I commend your vulnerability in this one! Keep up the good work