Stop Caring About Everyone
There's Too Many People
“Homo Sapiens evolved to think of people as divided into ‘us’ and ‘them’. ‘Us’ was the group immediately around you, whoever you were, and ‘them’ was everyone else. In fact, no social animal is ever guided by the interests of the entire species to which it belongs.” (Sapiens, 190)
There’s a movement nowadays where people preach about every single instance of suffering they see around the world (not knowing there’s even more they don’t see, thank god).
There’s lots of clips of people at rallies being interviewed about their cause and not only do they know little about the cause, they also have no connection to the people suffering beyond simply being human.
That’s an important distinction because knowing nothing about an issue and protesting it is normal. We might initially argue it isn’t but think about when you see your loved one getting into an argument in public. You’ll instinctually take their side with no context.
Or think about all the parents at their kids’ sporting matches who yell at the referee each time their kid falls. They know nothing about the sport but they passionately argue that it must have been a foul.
Knowing about the issue doesn’t determine whether we care about it. Feeling a sense of ‘us’ with the people suffering determines whether or not we care.
But today there’s a new phenomenon, where people will care deeply for people they have no connection to whatsoever.
How did we get here?
We evolved to care more about ‘us’ than about ‘them’. ‘Us’ used to be our small hunting band of a few dozen people. Then the cognitive revolution happened and ‘us’ grew to a few hundred. Next, the agricultural revolution took place and ‘us’ grew as large as 30,000. As empires and religions appeared, our ‘us’ group grew to a few million. Today, with globalization and the internet, ‘us’ can be as big as 8 billion people.
But it’s obviously much more complicated than that. I care more if a Canadian suffers than I do if someone in Sweden suffers. I care a little more if they’re from Montreal. I care way more if they’re also Jewish. And I care infinitely more if I know them. Finally, if it’s my close friend or my family member I suffer immensely alongside them.
Choose Your ‘Us’ With Clarity
We have so much access to global information that photos, videos and articles can make the suffering of people across the world feel close. Oftentimes, articles and videos about tragedy are written specifically with the intent of making you feel like strangers are part of your ‘us’.
News outlets win by making you care about everything more than you should. Instead of focusing on facts, they focus on stories and emotions. It works well and that’s why they do it.
To avoid losing your mind, be clear about who falls in your ‘us’.
There are 8 billion people on earth. If you took one second to say each person’s name and never took a break, it would take you over 250 years. You cannot possibly care about each person equally.
It’s more important than ever to explicitly choose who your ‘us’ is. And it’s important to keep it small.
Over many millenia, we developed all sorts of mass-cooperation tools and techniques that override our monkey-brain instincts. But at the end of the day we are still monkeys.
We care about our family, whoever that is, more than about strangers. Don’t let people trying to line their own pockets blur those lines or tell you it’s a bad thing to love your family more.
Question of The Day
Who is your ‘us’?
Your Biggest Fan,
Noah “BigNerd” Sochaczevski