Years ago I had two friends, Ryan and Paul. Anytime Ryan was with my friend Paul, he teased him nonstop. Paul was a sensitive guy and he didn’t like the jokes made at his expense. Ryan wasn’t a mean person, just not very sensitive and maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed. I asked Ryan to stop but I was never firm.
One day Ryan crossed the line. He hit a sore spot with Paul in front of a bunch of people. I was furious. I squeezed my hands into fists so hard I had nail imprints in my palms for hours. I couldn’t believe Ryan would disrespect Paul and me… in front of so many people.
I lost a good friend that day. Not a mean guy. But not worthy of forgiveness. Not yet.
I realize now years later, I have to share the blame. I overlooked his jabs and was surprised when he came with a right hook.
“Crimes are encouraged by overlooking petty offenses”
The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus, 394)
By not addressing the jabs, I was encouraging the right hook. It seemed harmless at the time. I didn’t like it but I didn’t think it was serious enough that I should step in and interfere.
I lost a friend because I was too forgiving and too lenient. Maybe if I addressed these issues sooner, we’d still be hanging out today.
Don’t overlook petty crimes. Address them early. If you don’t you are responsible when it escalates. You’ll have nobody to blame but yourself.
Question of The Day
How would you address someone you care about acting in a way you find wrong or disrespectful?
Your Friend,
Noah BigNerd Sochaczevski
Oooh…I’ve seen this play out so many times, in so many ways. The word “complicit” comes to mind…good post.