You’re Being a Bully and Here’s Why
Treat Yourself As a friend
It was only a year after my basketball career ended that I realized my biggest weakness. During my career, I read books on meditation, mindfulness and sports psychology but none of them helped. They couldn’t help because my weakness was that I didn’t treat myself like a friend.
I made basketball my whole life when I was twelve years old and over the next eight years, I never got that good. Sad, I know. Two things held me back.
I had chronic injuries
I was mean to myself
The first one is boring and mostly an excuse. The second one has taught me enough to make the thousands of hours in empty gyms worth it.
I was my own biggest obstacle. My self-talk was horrible. I would high five a teammate after an airball and say “Keep shooting. You got the next one”. Then I would miss the same shot and I would say to myself “why are you still so bad after all these years”.
Marcus says,
“I have no right to do myself an injury. Have I ever injured anyone else if I could avoid it?” (8.42)
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me some comfort reading that line. Even Marcus Aurelius had to remind himself to be kind to himself.
You should never be less kind to yourself than you are to others. Treat yourself like you’re your own best friend.
I got a great exercise from Dr. Peter Attia on fixing your self-talk to become your own friend. He had the same issue despite all his successes as a doctor and an endurance swimmer. He would pay attention to what he would say to himself when he made a mistake. Then, he would take out his phone and record an audio message. He recorded what he would say to his best friend if they were the one who made the mistake he just made.
You spilled a drink in public? What would you say to your best friend if they spilled and were embarrassed? You would be much MUCH nicer.
I implemented a similar practice without the voice recorder and have found it tremendous. It’s been especially constructive as I learn new skills.
The first step in learning skills is admitting you’re bad at something. I believe that’s what holds people back most. The fear of being bad is a bigger barrier than the work itself. So it’s not just a mental health benefit to be your own best friend, it’s a health, business, practical benefit also.
Be nice to yourself. You have no right to not be.
Brains Gains
How do you treat yourself when you make mistakes?
Have a day full of love. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Enjoy yourself. If you don't, who will?
Your friend,
Noah “BigNerd” Sochaczevski
Today, November 16 Reading: Pages 111-120